Principle turns out to be mugabe

A secret mission reveals that Dr.Hosh may be more than he seems. While investigating the principles private files a student stumbled on proof that the principle was actually Robert Mugabe the brutal dictator of Zimbabwe. Having left his country due to a badly planned rigged election he took a position as the principle of our high school and has been ruling with an iron fist ever since. He started enforcing cruel and ridiculous rules. three people where sentenced to execution this week, their crime? peeing in the seventh toilet to the left. A detachment of the national guard has surrounded the school but we have no further information as our reporters were exiled for using #3 pencils.

MondayMadness

Monday fever has hit the school and almost everyone has come down with it. Students walk the halls listless and depressed and wonder why they cant have a three day weekend. This depression has become so bad that people whop seem even remotely cheery are in danger of being savagely beaten. Even worse is that the principle recently rejected the idea to put naptime back into the schedule even though sleeping in class is at an alltime high.

WE ARE NOT VEGETABLES

A stupor has settled over the school. Some blame the early rising hour while other blame the bits of grey matter dripping out of students ears. Whatever the reason, students are now only vaguely distinguishable from vegetables. In fact, a stalk of celery was given three detentions for sleeping in class before any one realized that it was not actually a student. In another disturbing report a student was dragged to the cafeteria to be boiled before the cafeteria staff realized that he was not a string bean. What ever the cause of these disturbing reports something must be done.

WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING US

Chemical analysis has revealed that most of the cafeteria food is actually made of plastic. "Yeah",one lunch lady said" We get alot of our ingredients from wall mart. You know them toy foods." When asked if they had any background in cooking the lunch ladies were indignant. "Of course we do", they said " we even know them fancy food groups. You got your fats sugars, fruits,vegetables, and petroleum products. Investigation of the cafeteria staff is underway.

SO

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